When I grow up...

OK, I saw this on Graham Norton and laughed so much I had tears in my eyes.

You remember those pictures we had to draw in 1st grade, showing what we wanted to do when we grew up? Here's one that a teacher received:

Now, what is it you suppose this little girls mommy does? Look carefully and take a guess.

You might be mistaken. After the assignment, the mother wrote the following to the teacher:

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more.

Joke: Dead husbands new suit

I heard this joke a while back and thought it was really funny, mainly because it's just so morbid. If you're not a fan of dark humor then you may just want to skip past it to other funny stuff I've posted.

A recent widow is making the funeral arrangements for her recently departed husband. She speaks with the mortician and says "Jimmy always looked so good in blue. Would it be possible for you to find a nice blue suit for him to buried in?"

The mortician replies that it would be no bother at all and accepts a blank check from the woman for the cost of the suit.

At the funeral Jimmy looks splendid in a crisp double breasted navy blue Brooks Brothers suit. After the service the widow approaches the mortician to thank him and find out how much it had cost her.

The mortician tells her "well, it just so happens another man had passed away who was about your husbands size and he was wearing that suit. He had no family and was going to be cremated with a memorial service

...

So, I swapped their heads."

Funny Link Bait - Eva Mendes Sex Tape

OK, this isn't like roll on the floor funny, but it is a funny example of link bait. Considering the number of times I've followed a link to a site, pic, or video that was definitely NSFW it's good to see a little turn-about.

Crazy Indian Video... Buffalaxed!

I saw this funny you tube video and it had me laughing out loud, so thought I would share it here. So you know, this is NOT a translation. This Indian music video has been sub-titled with what the poster hears them as saying. As you read along, you can hear it as well, and the results are hilarious.

"Have you been high today?
I see the nuns are gay!"

Laugh out loud, funny!

The Rabbi

This is a story about a popular young Rabbi who, on Sabbath Eve, announces to his congregation that he will not renew his contract. He explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.

Sol Epstein, who owns a couple of Toyota and Lexus dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims:
'If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Lexus every year and his wife with a Toyota Sienna to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.

Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says:
'If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Rabbi stays, I will give him sex!' There is total silence. The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?' Sadie's 90 year old husband Jacob is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck the Rabbi!''.